dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
