My room smells like vodka and shame
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
