I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize