That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
