He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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