mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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