mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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