he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
