The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
