I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
