I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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