Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize