i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Randomize
