my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
