the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
