Where is the hickey?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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