I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
