if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
