also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
