i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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