i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
