dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
