if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
