I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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