Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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