Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
