So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
