Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
