dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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