??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
