I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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