I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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