There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
