Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize