omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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