i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
