Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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