were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
false alarm. still invincible.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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