Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
