so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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