we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize