3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
