Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
