If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
