A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
