I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize