he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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