My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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