I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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