I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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