Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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