oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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