This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
