We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i've created a new STD.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
