And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
