So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
