His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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