I think my fart just growled at me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
