Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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