How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize