The maid of honor just puked.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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