I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
