I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
