i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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