thus making me awesome and them whores
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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