my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
