and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
