I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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