you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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