I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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