She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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