Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
why do cheetos always look like penises
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
