Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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